Jai is a Junior Theatre BFA student focusing on all things theatre management. She is currently at the end of her term as Executive Producer of Hidden Lantern and is involved with student theatre and Emerson Poetry Project.
I've written poetry for as long as can I remember and in high school it turned into a way for me to cope with my depression. Instead of spiraling into a dark place, I would pull out my notebook and write out my feelings in a way that felt most true, and poetry was what came out. Now I'm doing better but I use poetry to sort through complicated feelings and/or as an exercise of gratitude. The first poem, which is currently untitled, is something I wrote in a few minutes in my Ethics class. I was thinking about my feelings about being biracial and the lack of belonging I felt as a result of this identity and needed to write something. The second, called "Nights Alone in The City", resulted from a night that could have easily sent me into a depressive episode. I had tickets to a show and no one wanted to go with me, I was feeling very alone. That night ended up feeling so magical and I wrote this poem to remind myself that even if I feel alone, that doesn't mean I can't be happy with being alone.
Untitled
What does it mean to sit in a dark room?
In a room that drawls in deeplow and rhythm?
And urges me to move
Where I cannot see
To dance on faith alone
How do I know what lies beyond my own glow and the warm promise of joy?
I don't
And I am afraid to
What if faith is not enough
And my feet do not listen to me
Nights Alone in the City
I stand on the curb and think about
stepping into deep water
and letting the cold soak into my socks
just because I can
But maybe I'd regret that
So instead I get an apple fritter
And I don't bother being clean
I let the stick of fruit claim my fingertip
and lick them clean at the entrance to the T
just because I can
I think about how no one was free
to see this play with me
Or maybe they just didn't want to
I don't know
But I don't dwell
Because I'd regret that
So instead I cry in the theatre seat on my own
I let myself cry at what I watch
and nothing else
just because I can